


christmas cookie pity party

by hey_you_with_the_face



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Bummed out Dean, Cas and Jimmy are loud neighbors, Dean eating christmas cookies, M/M, Making Out, Pining Dean, sex mention, slight groping, with a vengence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-04 01:29:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12760338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hey_you_with_the_face/pseuds/hey_you_with_the_face
Summary: Dean is feeling pretty down but that tends to happen when you have to listen to your hot neighbors hooking up but hey, at least this time he has cookies and hating on the lucky shits who get to have sex with either Cas or Jimmy is a lot nicer when cookies are involved...





	christmas cookie pity party

**Author's Note:**

> A huuuge thank you to deadlyangelkay for coming up with this amazing prompt on Tumblr which allowed me to not only write something for the first time in a few days but _finish_ something for the first time in a loooooong time.
> 
> "Person A is sitting alone on a friday night eating their weight in cookies (bonus points for them being Christmas cookies).  
> They can hear their neighbor having a very vigorous round of sex and texts person B saying there is no way sex is that good.  
> Person B responds with “be there in 20, clean up and ditch the cookies”."

Dean glared down at the little reindeer cookie before viciously biting off the head and chewing vindictively. The poor cookie wasn’t at fault here of course but he didn’t care; he was sad, miserable, and well on his way to being a fat slob so sue him for taking his anger out on his massive plate of Christmas cookies. The massive plate that was already half empty.

God, he was pathetic.

As if to compound his feelings of gloom and doom, yet another loud shivery moan echoed through the wall.

_Fucking hot neighbors_ , he thought bitterly as he reached for a Christmas tree bedecked in sprinkles, getting crumbs on his ratty t-shirt and sweats. _Having hot sex all the time._

He took a swig of milk (because he wasn’t a total heathen) and began searching for his next sugar-y victim; his fingers were hovering over a likely suspect when the noise next door started to get louder and even more enthusiastic if at all possible.

_Really Cas?...or Jimmy,”_ Dean thought, rolling his eyes. He couldn’t quite pin down which of his twin neighbors was engaging in some extremely vigorous sex even though he was (shamefully) familiar with both of their styles of sex noises so he couldn’t be more specific in his mental ranting. _Whichever one of you that’s over there, there’s no way whoever you’re fucking is that goddamn good._

The universe laughed at him as in response to this thought, an earsplitting shout that sounded like “Fuck, fuck! Harder!” burst through the shared wall. 

Another flare of bitter jealousy followed this and Dean renewed his efforts to ignore his sorrows with the help of tiny holiday themed cookies and milk. He could make it through this. 

This wasn’t the first time he’d had to sit in his living room and listen as some lucky soul got to fuck one of his gorgeous neighbors while he could only imagine how freaking amazing it would be to be in that person’s shoes. Tomorrow morning whoever was currently having sex with whichever twin would leave and either Cas or Jimmy would come over and have breakfast with Dean like usual and everything would continue in the horrible sexually frustrated spiral that was slowly killing his sex life. 

No big deal. He’d done it before. Besides these cookies were pretty damn good, what more could he want?

Unfortunately for Dean, his resolve lasted for two more cookies and another round of chest deep groans from next door.

In his defense though, he was already feeling a bit down after the twins brushed him off for their usual Friday night movie night, even after his attempt to entice them with the very cookies he was drowning his sorrows in. They’d been acting incredibly antsy when he’d caught them entering their apartment earlier and even though they had been really nice (they were always nice, the bastards), it still hurt when Jimmy had admitted they had some plans already.

A plan that obviously involved one, or possibly both of them considering the presence of both twins’ sex groans, hooking up.

So adding in Dean’s own increasingly depressing dry spell, his complete inability to stop being hung up over Cas and Jimmy, and the fact that he had to listen to not just one twin but, as Dean was starting to suspect, both twins fucking their dates/booty calls/whatever, who could blame him for going a little crazy?

He was totally justified in sending a text to his very obviously occupied neighbors.

_Group Text (Cas, Jimmy): Seriously guys, I don’t care who you guys are fucking...the sex CAN’T be THAT good._

Basking in the smug satisfaction of someone who hadn’t truly realized that he’d just texted his neighbors/friends who were literally _in the middle of sex,_ Dean leaned back and picked up another cookie. He’d just taken a bite when, to his utter shock, his phone pinged. Cookie held between his teeth, Dean reached for his phone and gingerly unlocked it...

And promptly choked on his cookie when, after a minute of freaking out, he managed to look at the text.

_From Jimmy: Be there in 20, clean yourself up and ditch the cookies_

_From Jimmy: I’ve got something *much* better for you ;)_

Sweet mother of god...

The next nineteen minutes and fifty seconds were a massive blur of panic and manic energy as Dean had a small (well not too small) mental freak out bent over his plate of cookies before he stared in horror at the text, his terror compounded by the fact that there was dead silence from next door. 

_Oh fuck me, he’s serious,_ Dean had thought to himself, heart pounding as he’d stood up and, after hurriedly brushed off the depressing amount of cookie crumbs off his dirty t-shirt, he’d ran like a madman for his shower.

Then there had been the frantic clean up of his sad little pity party and a desperate attempt to look like he wasn’t a pathetic slob on a cookie binge. Thankfully, he’d just finished hiding the evidence after his shower when the doorbell rang.

Dean froze, staring at the door like a serial killer was on the other side.

Swallowing hard, he (attempted) to look calm and collected as he opened the door. His chill immediately abandoned him as he saw something out of his deepest darkest (not to mention wettest) dreams...

Cas and Jimmy looking utterly debauched; they were dressed in low slung sweatpants and worn t-shirts with collars so stretched that Dean got an eyeful of delicious looking collarbones that he wanted to nibble.

But as his eyes wandered over several very obvious love bites and hickeys, he realized somebody already _had_ a crack at that particular area. 

His stomach dropped as the reality hit him. Jimmy hadn’t been coming over to have sex with him; he and Cas were over here to tell him how awesome their hooks up had been. Dean deftly turned his smile from a seductive smirk to a ‘hello friends’ grin but before he could get out his usual “Hey, fellas”, Jimmy pounced.

_I wonder if he can taste the cookies,_ Dean thought dazedly as Jimmy fucking dominated his mouth, pressing him up against his apartment door. This thought was lost when Dean gasped due to a pair of hands gripping his ass firmly, pulling him close to a rock hard groin. His hands flailed around before settling on Jimmy’s hips

Oh god...he could cut himself on those hipbones...

“I thought you were coming over to tell me about how great your hook up was,” Dean gasped, trying to recover his breath (and his brain cells) while Jimmy sucked at the skin on his neck. When he finally got his sense back, he opened his eyes and jolted as he realized that Cas was standing in the doorway, watching them. “Um..hey Cas,” he said lamely before whispering, “Uh, you do know Cas is, uh, watching, right?”

Jimmy chuckled darkly, rolling his ships. “Of course ” he said breathlessly, nodding his head to motion Cas inside. Cas strode into the room and Jimmy moved them so they could close the door, pressing Dean’s back against the newly revealed wall. “You said that whoever I was fucking couldn’t be that good, so I thought I’d let you be the judge.”

The amount of heat in Jimmy and Cas’ gazes paired with this mind bendingly hot revelation would have been enough to cause Dean’s underwear to spontaneously combust.

If he’d been wearing any.

Cas stalked over to Dean’s right while Jimmy shifted so they could both box him in and leaned in to press his mouth firmly to Dean’s. Two sets of hands took the opportunity to have their way with him while Dean was delightfully distracted. Dean whined when Cas pulled away.

“So what do you say, Dean,” Jimmy asked, slipping the very tipsy of his fingers into Dean’s pants. “Ready to be proven wrong?”

“Oh fuck, yeah.”

 

Later, Dean learned that Christmas cookies tasted even better when they’re being eaten naked in bed after several rounds of vigorous and satisfying sex with an equally satiated twin on either side of you. 

He also learned that Jimmy and Cas were indeed that good.

**Author's Note:**

> God, finishing something feels so freaking good!  
> If you're reading this and thinking "Uh...don't you have two works in progress to work on? *pointed glare*" I completely agree and I feel incredibly bad for not having anything to post yet. I've been having a lot of writer's block not to mention this time of year isn't historically a good time for me (lack of sunlight, the time change, and other stuff that I won't bore you lovely people with like to mess with my already present brain problems) but I'm trying _really really_ hard to get past it but so far no dice. 
> 
> Pinky promise I'll do better.


End file.
